


The Due South Reunion Movie, Draft I

by Shayheyred



Category: due South
Genre: Crack, Gen, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-13
Updated: 2011-04-13
Packaged: 2017-10-18 01:09:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/183310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shayheyred/pseuds/Shayheyred
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Coming soon to an ice floe near you!</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Due South Reunion Movie, Draft I

From the Due South Reunion Movie  
(Tentative title: "Here Today, Yukon Tomorrow")  
Draft 1  
by P. Haggis/P. Gross

_From Scene 4:_  
A snowdrift

 **FRASER** (lying on top of his sleeping bag in long johns. He looks to the side)  
Ray. (There is no answer) Ray? (as before) Ray. Ray. Ray!

 **RAY KOWALSKI** (A voice from under a huge mound of fur blankets)  
Mmmph.

 **FRASER** (addressing one end of the mound)  
Ray – are you all right?

(A hand appears from under the opposite end, followed by **RAY** 's head. There is frost in his hair.)

 **RAY**  
Fraser. Are you a freaking psychopath?

  
_Note to Paul Haggis and Paul Gross from Standards & Practices Department:  
Please excise the word "freaking" from the script._

**RAY**  
Fraser. Are you a ~~freaking~~ complete psychopath?

 **FRASER** (Thinks for a moment)  
Not that I'm aware of, no, Ray. Although (he chuckles) --there was that one nurse in Tuktoyaktuk who thought I--

 **RAY**  
Fraser! Do not start with me. "Am I all right?" No, I'm not all right, I'm freezing my nuts off here, and I--

_Note to Paul Haggis and Paul Gross from Standards and Practices Department:  
You cannot say "nuts" in the context of male testicles._

_Note from Paul G to S &P:  
What about **female** testicles?_

_Note from Paul H to S &P:  
The "nuts" referred to here are a tin of salted peanuts carried by RK throughout the opening sequence. Please review scenes 1-3, 5-7._

_Note from Paul H to Paul G: Paul, for Christ's sake, quit antagonizing Standards & Practices, will you? _

_From Scene 17:_  
Ray's apartment in Chicago

(Interior. Door opens into apartment – **DIEFENBAKER** trots in, followed by **RAY,** who falls to his knees and kisses the floor. )

 **RAY**  
Yes. Yes. Yes, yes, yes! Terra Firma, Land o'Lincoln, Home Sweet Home, mi casa, be it ever so humble, home again, home again, jiggety-

 **FRASER** (Stepping over his friend)  
I get the idea, Ray.

 **RAY**  
Good. Great. Greatness.

_Note from Callum Keith Rennie to Paul Haggis:  
Could I not say "Greatness" here?_

_Note from Paul Haggis to CKR:  
Why not?_

_CKR to PH:  
Cliche. RK said it twice in Season 3, once in Season 4._

_PH to CKR:  
Three times is a cliche?_

_CKR to PH:  
I don't repeat myself. Ray wouldn't either._

_Note from Paul Haggis to Paul Gross:  
Paul, could you have a word with "Mr. Method" about this?_

  
_PG to CKR:_  
_Cal, say "greatness" in the scene or I'll do that thing to you again. You know what. When you least expect it._  


_CKR to PG:  
I hate you._

_From Scene 22:_  
Interior. Ray's Apartment

 **FRASER**  
You know, Ray, all that time we spent together in the Territories, all those months on our quest looking for the Hand of Franklin –

 **RAY**  
\--which we never found—

 **FRASER**  
Granted. All that time, wrapped in our fur-lined parkas—

 **RAY**  
\--smelling like wet dogs—

 **FRASER**  
\--the open vista of the North surrounding us—

 **RAY**  
\--the snow-blindness giving me Excedrin Headache Number Two- ~~freakin'~~ thousand and twelve—

 **FRASER**  
\--despite all our adventures—

 **RAY**  
\--like the thing with the blubber—(shudders)

 **FRASER**  
Yes, Ray, with all those wonderful things, there's one thing I regret we never did.

 **RAY**  
What's that, Fraser? Eat nothing but ice for a week? Because I think we did that.

 **FRASER**  
No, Ray, _this--_  
(He pushes Ray up against the wall, reaches into Ray's pants and

_Note from Standards & Practices to Paul Haggis and Paul Gross:  
WHAT THE **FUCK?**_

_Note from Paul Haggis to Paul Gross:  
WHAT THE FUCK?!!! I did not write that! You know I didn't write that!_

_Note from CKR to PG:  
I hate you. I really, really, fucking HATE you, Gross!_

_Paul Haggis to Standards & Practices:  
Due to some late revisions, Draft 2 of "Here today, Yukon Tomorrow" may be somewhat delayed. Please accept our apologies. _

* * *


End file.
